tommiecollins

For The Fellas: Top 5 Targets This Summer

2011-07-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Top 5 Easy Targets this Summer
Fellas, the summer is finally here!! It’s time to shrug off that winter time drought, stop hitting those slumpbusters and get back to your “A” game. In order to help you recruit a noteworthy starting 5, I will tell you the top 5 easiest women to target. Once you have one of these women in your sights, attack with confidence & savageness, but don’t come off as too thirsty:

The “Kid Free for the Summer” chick: She just dropped little “Diron-tay” off to his grandparents for the summer, and already has her happy hour/club schedule made from now until she picks him up. Take advantage of her new found freedom, and her eagerness to let it all hang out. Kindly remind her that there is no aftercare to rush home to, no PTA meetings to attend, and no reason that she can’t stay the night if she’s too drunk to drive home. Lose her number after the school year starts, but find it again during Christmas break.

The “Social Media Starlet:” She has thousands of Facebook friends and her twitter is one big continuous status update that refreshes every 5 minutes. You don’t really need to do anything but “like” a few photos on Facebook, send a couple of steamy DM’s on twitter, and collect the spoils. She’ll let you put it in ANY hole you want, and then tweet about it. The good part about this target is that you’ll be in those guts in 72 hours. The bad part is that in those 72 hours, she will have fallen in love with you, had her first fight with you(on twitter) broke up with you, and then stalked your entire timeline and attacked any female who dared to speak to you.

The “Girl who was Raised by her Brothers:” This woman uses the fact that she grew up around a lot of males to justify all of the casual sex and one night stands that she has. Little does she know that regardless of who raised her, she’s still a whore, and the guys who raised her are whores too. Strap up when you hit this target, and be sure to answer her late night booty texts quickly; she is probably sending out a mass text to see who will answer first.

The “Happy Hour Harlot:” After 3 Patron Margaritas, she’s making out with the nearest human, whether it’s male or female. Under NO circumstances should you kiss this target, because you just might catch mono. Catch her at upscale happy hours doing hoodrat things with older executives, or at 18 & up parties dancing inappropriately hard to average tempo songs. No need to lose her number after the summer, she probably won’t even recognize you after a few weeks of sobriety.

The “Internet Model:” She is in love with her body, and is in search of others to fall in love with it. Everything she has comes from her physical attractiveness, so she throws it around to get all that she can. If you sell her a few dreams she will purchase it with sexual payments. Try to stretch those payments out until around late august, so you can capitalize on the warm weather and her wearing as little clothing as possible. Once the seasons change and she has to wear whole shirts and pants, you need to get lost before she turns you out and you become a sponsor.

Happy Hunting Fellas!!

TC vs Twitterscopes

2011-03-04T09:45:00.001-08:00

Every day I wake up at 5:45 am. I reach for my phone to turn the alarm off, and then I check my email, texts & twitter. At this time of the morning there is nothing on my twitter timeline except for strippers, people from California, and twitterscopes. If you don't know what a twitterscope is, it's a automatic "bot" that gives each person who signed up for it a zodiac sign reading for the day. It's quite annoying, if I may say so myself. I decided to fight back and give out my OWN astrology readings, so SUCK ON THIS @twitterscope!!! Enjoy!

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.

Capricorns, this year stop being so damn stubborn. And think before you speak because you’re talking yourself out of easy sex.

Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.

Aquarius you are naturally quiet and shy, so erase all the porn off of your work computer and stop eating condoms. It kinda makes people think that you’re a weirdo.

Pisces: March 11-April 18.

Pisces, you smoke so much weed that your bottom lip looks like Barak Obamas. In 2011, put the weed down and stop eating your childs school lunch.

Aries: April 18-May 13.

Congratulations on being so damn sexy. Now all we have to do is get you some valtrex and a mani/pedi. You have incredible hulk feet.

Taurus: May 13-June 21.

Taurus. Just because you got a little promotion, don’t use this newfound authority to become a douche. And stop shaving all the hair off of your face you’re scaring the little kids at church.

Gemini: June 21-July 20.

Gemini has two sides to them. This year, try to make one of those sides have a job and not be a pathological liar. Put the Xbox controller down and apply for some jobs.

Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.

The crab. That’s exactly what you are, the Zodiac’s official “Debbie downer,” never missing an opportunity to piss in someones cornflakes. But we need people like you, to post anonymously on internet messageboards and invent ways to jailbreak droids & iphones.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.

In 2011 let’s work on now being so selfish. Anytime you yell out your OWN name during sex, you might just be a tad bit self absorbed.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.

Virgos are awesome and easy to get along with. Only thing is, you can’t have sex with everyone you get along with. Get your tubes tied or a vasectomy virgos b4 u end up on Maury 3 times in one year.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.

Libras should totally work on their anger management. No more passive aggressive acts: like slashing tires, or shooting senators in Arizona. Not cool dude, not cool. Tanya Blount is a Libra, so by default I love all Libras.

Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.

Yeah, we all know you have great sex, but your credit score is in the 300’s. You are a walking Cashpoint Commercial. Do better in 2011.

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.

You are big and bad, and this is probably why you get arrested a lot. If you don’t change soon I see hard time and ass rapes in your future. I’ll pray for you. And your buttcheeks.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

You have a huge forehead, and are also very smart. Rihanna has the same problem, but bangs and a few left jabs did wonders for her, maybe you should take notes.

My Ode to Wearing Shades in the Club

2011-01-10T19:35:00.000-08:00

You see them every night in the club. They usually have a table, and come through the doors with others like them. They have an "I'm Important" attitude, and usually end up in the V.I.P. section. Them and their crew take so many pictures, you'd think they were in their own personal photoshoot. Soon they are surrounded by women with short dresses and high heels, the waitress brings out champagne and liquor bottles with sparklers attached to them, and they move from the floor to standing on top of couches with their drinks in the air.
Who are "they?"
"They" are the folks who wear SHADES INSIDE OF THE CLUB.

Some folks laugh at them when they walk by. Others shake their heads and jone on them all night. Some even take camera phone pictures of them and send them to websites such as "HotGhettoMess.com, or ohnoshedidnt.com." So much attention is being paid to these sunglassed pseudo stars, yet it doesn't seem like they care. All that seems to matter to them is that they are partying as hard as they can with their crew. So who is actually winning here, the person who got dressed to come to the club and watch other people all night, or the person who is enjoying themselves to the fullest? I'm sure I know what your answer is, even though you might not want to admit it.
I blame music videos, rap music, and Lil Jon for this phenomenon. I also blame groupies, table hoppers, and club managers for allowing and empowering the wearage of sunglasses in the club. If folks didn't think that it was so cool to do it, then less people would wear them in an attempt to recreate their favorite Young Jeezy video. On the other hand, who are we to judge? Not every one reading this is an "Ultimate Fashion Icon." We all have our bama moments, so be careful when you point the finger, because you just may be exposed yourself. An old wise man once told me that "Bamas have the most fun, because they don't give a damn about what others think about them." Ok, that was a crackhead who said that to me. But in that moment of crack rock bliss, he was right. It's evident that they are having a BALL with those tinted spectacles, and those outside of their circle of fun are tuned in; secretly wishing they could party that way. This goes out to everybody who's doing their own thing, having their own fun, and not giving a flaming fawlk about what anyone else is thinking. I am writing this as a former member of the "shades in the club crew"...does it look like I'm worried about people judging me in these pics? I didn't think so. :-)

My Ode to Black Love

2011-01-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

I love Black love.
It's so hard to find...
Or so people would have you believe...

TC's True (c) Hollywood Stories Vol.2- Prince

2010-12-22T07:21:00.001-08:00

I remember the time I met Prince. yes, Prince, the Artist. The same man who gave the world hits such as "Purple Rain," "Diamonds & Pearls," and "Little Red Corvette." I was working at a popular DC Nightclub at the time, and I was a host on the 1st floor. One of the managers asked me to be a waiter/server for the top floor for the evening because all of their wait staff had called out, and I was the only other person who knew the system at the time. I agreed to do it, not knowing who I would be waiting on. As I approached the penthouse, I saw two tall, beautiful women sitting beside what looked to be a small pretty lady with a fabulous hairstyle. That was no lady, it was PRINCE! Jamie Foxx said on one of his stand up DVD's that you are NOT to look directly into Prince's eyes when you meet him. Unfortunately I did. I didn't want to seem like I was overly excited to meet him, so I calmly walked on over to his table, introduced myself, and asked was there anything I could get them. Instead of answering me, he just stared at me like this:
At that moment I didn't know what to do. I froze. it was just awkward silence for about 2 minutes while I searched my soul and my manhood. I eventually snapped out of it, and offered to get them something to drink while they looked at the menu. The two females asked for Cosmopolitans. I looked at Prince, and said, "You don't drink alcohol, do you?" Once again, he didn't answer me, just looked at me like After gritting on me, he responded, "Who told you that?" in the deepest voice I had ever heard in my life. He ordered a bottle of Grand Marnier, I brought it to his table, and I left them for about 5 minutes. I didn't understand what had just happened, my heart was beating really fast and I felt dizzy. I immediately recited MC's Ren's verse from NWA's "Always Into Somethin" and then dropped down to do several pushups. I returned to the room to take their order, and walked in the middle of a sho nuff PAR-TAY. Prince had one of the lady's arms in thet air, and the other lady's thigh around his throat. When they saw me at the door, they paused, but Prince did not: he broke into a series of splits and then stood perfectly still. The ladies put on their coats, then put his coat on him, and they headed for the door. "We're outta here, have a good night," said the deep voiced superstar. As he walked out he gave me a look that confused my life for almost 48 hours
I looked at the table and saw that he had left money for the drinks & the bottle, and left me a $200 tip. I tried to act normal after that, but it was hard. When I got home that night I layed down in the bed with all of my clothes on and recited "When Doves Cry" lyrics over and over until I fell asleep.

||The Pavilion|| A NYE '11 Affair

2010-12-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Why pay top dollar for a NYE party at a club that you frequent all the time? Why pay top dollar for a ticket, then pay for drinks AND food? Join us for something different, something EPIC: 12/31/10, Hypnotik Entertainment, Good Life Dc, Julie Lee, Kai & Breeze Nightlife present:"THE PAVILION." Join us at the historic & luxurious Post Office Pavilion for an upscale NYE Event. Single Tickets start at $90 which includes PREMIUM OPEN BAR ALL NIGHT LONG and Hors D'oeuvres for your eating pleasure. Get your tickets while they last, this event WILL SELL OUT.

GET TICKETS HERE: http://bit.ly/ea8rUJ

TICKETS:

$90 for Singles

$170 for Couples

Table Packages:

$1750 for 10-Guests:

- 3 bottles of Moet Rose

- 2 bottles of Liquor from our selections to start off with table

- Unlimited bottles of Liquor After (Bottles will be served 1 bottle at a time)

- Includes Gratuity

$2500 for 15-Guest VIP Table:

- 2 bottles of Cristal & 2 bottles of Moet Rose

- 2 bottles of Liquor from our selections to start off with table

- Unlimited bottles of Liquor After (Bottles will be served 1 bottle at a time)

- Includes Gratuity

GET TICKETS HERE: http://bit.ly/ea8rUJ

**** PLEASE HAVE YOUR TICKETS MAILED FOR QUICK ADMITTANCE. WILL CALL MAY SLOW DOWN YOUR PROCESS

**** TICKETS AND DEPOSITS ARE NON-REFUNDABLE UNLESS EVENT IS CANCELED. ENTRY TO THE EVENT IS SUBJECT TO MANAGEMENT’S DISCRETION.

Cool Christmas Gifts for Guys

2010-12-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

It can be hard to shop for a man. They don’t lust over shoes or purses, and you really have to know a man in order to shop for him. Here are some gifts that you can give a man whether you know him or not that he will genuinely appreciate:

-Video Games: Whether it’s an actual game, a special controller, or a new cheat code; some guys will love you for life for adding to their video game experience. This is a gift that they will LOVE, but you will hate because they’ll be paying even MORE attention to the game and less to you. But still get it, tis the season!

-Auto Work: Upgrade his car radio, get his car an alignment, or even get it detailed for him. Men love their cars, so hooking his car up in any way will please him. If your man doesn’t have a car, then replace auto work with a job application.

-Porn: It’s no secret that men watch lots of porn. Nowadays women do too, so why not break the ice and give him a few good porn videos? Don’t want to be seen in the adult video store by your house? Get a thumb drive and fill it up with a bunch of porn videos. Put it in a stocking with a soft hand towel and don’t forget the petroleum jelly.

-Spa Visit: Every now and then, a guy should take a trip to the spa. Get him a Men’s package at a spa because if you don’t schedule it, he'll never go. He’ll appreciate the massage and anything else they provide in the package. You’ll get extra brownie points if you splurge for a happy ending.

-Ammunition: Nothing says I love you like a pack of bullets or shells. Ammo is getting expensive nowadays, and opening up a box to see a pack of Remingtons would make any humbug crack a smile.

-Tickets to a Sporting Event: If your Man works a lot, get him some tickets to a game, and insist that he takes his boys with him, not you. This is like giving him a much needed outing with the guys that he hardly gets to take. He’ll love you for that, plus it gives you leverage when you want him to go with you to the Opera or one of those damn Tyler Perry movies.

-BECKY: Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like some good sloppy HEAD. Give it to him until he Harlem shakes and starts breathing like he has asthma. Then let him fall asleep without bothering him. If you don’t have the ring yet, you will after this gift.

-Tech Gift: A new phone, camera, external hard drive, Slingbox, etc; Men love technology. Whatever hobbies he has, see if you can compliment them with something electrical. If all else fails, get him a new laptop. You can never go wrong with that.

-Tools: Men love tools, point blank. Waltz on over to Home Depot (eff Lowes) and shop around for your Man. This might help you out in the long run; he can’t say he doesn’t have any tools when you ask him to fix something for you!

"Status Update": Dec. 1st World Aids Day Event!!

2010-11-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

"Status Update"
Wednesday, December 1st 2010
Eden's Rooftop
1716 I Street NW
Washington DC
7pm-11pm

Wednesday, December 1st is World AIDS Day. The AIDS epidemic in Washington DC is rapidly growing out of control. The only way to control it is through awareness, support and treatment. Join us at Eden's rooftop for a celebration of the strides we have made in AIDS research, a call to service to continue the progress, and education to share with others. Also enjoy:
Sounds by DJ Mixxed
Hosted by WPGC's Aladdin "Prince of the Airwaves"
Body Paint by Amajalé
Safe Sex Giveaways & Information
Guest Speakers & Mobile Aids Testing by AHF Blair Underwood Healthcare Center
Desserts by Kupkake Kraze
Fever Natural Stimulation Beverage Giveaways
$5 Ciroc REDberry Drinks
and a live performance by Black Alley!

This is a FREE event, but donations are welcome. All proceeds will go to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation.

AIDS Sux. Let's do something about it.

Just to put things in Perspective: AFRICA.

2010-11-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

I thought this would be interesting to share with ya'll...
Knowledge is power.

Sweet Dreamz Are Made Of Deez....

2010-11-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder why sleep is so important? Check it out: This was a must read for a "Night Owl" like myself...

HU HOMECOMING 2010

2010-10-26T07:01:00.001-07:00

Every year around the end of October, Washington DC is taken over by the phenomenon that we call HU HOMECOMING. The city is invaded by both Alumni and people who have never stepped foot on Howard University's campus in their lives. Whatever the case may be, this is definitely a "party hard" weekend for college freshmen, as well as grown men and women whose undergrad years are llooonnggg gone. As an event planner(I hate calling myself a promoter), Howard Homecoming has always been a profitable weekend. You can charge extra just because it's homecoming weekend, you can demand that chicks show you their racks to get in V.I.P., you can throw 3 and 4 parties in one night because there will be SO many folks out that you are BOUND to catch a crowd wherever you set up shop. But as you get older, the thrill kinda dies down, and you look for the QUALITY events instead of trying to go wherever you see your favorite rapper making an appearance. Well that's what I'm here for ladies and gentlemen, to let you know what's what, and to direct you to places that I think might be your best bets for HU Homecoming. Oh, and did I mention that my events are FREE?
First of all, Friday, October 29th Hypnotik Entertainment Presents
"HU-UMD Homecoming: The Battle of the Border" @ Penang

Now I'm kinda torn on this one, because I went to Maryland, but I spend lots of quality time at Howard. I guess I'd give my vote to UMD for academics, and a vote to Howard for pretty, sexy dark skinned chicks. Either way, it's gonna be a hot party, get there as early as possible, I'll be there doing my usual two step:

Next, we have a "Grown Folk" Party during the day on Saturday, October 30th in Mitchelville MD @ Myplace Lounge.
Saturday, October 30th from 3-8pm |The Monumental|
Sponsored by "Fever: The Natural Stimulation Beverage"
Hosted by Lyle Silva from Donald Trump's "The Ultimate Merger"
Music by DJ Mixxed & The Kinda Blu Band(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBYYjR4pcvk )

Free Admission & Free CD's & Free Gift bags!

I donno if you have heard that band before, or if you have heard me and DJ Mixxed rock a party before, but this joint is sure to have you partying like this:

Saturday Night is the HU Finale: We'll be at 201 Lounge for an HU Celebration with no stupid ridiculous lines, no outrageous cover charges, and none of the HU Homecoming BS that you witness every year around this time...come check us out, and of course, hit me to get on that good ol' guestlist:

Now if you're reading this and you're under 25, I've heard that Wacka Flocka, Rick Ross and a host of other folks will be in town this weekend, so LIVE IT UP!! If you are from out of town, or are simply new to this scene, do some research before you commit to going to a spot that you've never heard of...if you see folks that look like this outside of the event, You might wanna check out another venue.
Everybody else, you might wanna come holla at us at our events, or check out The Usual Suspectz parties, and my man Eric Taylor's events. Nuff respect.

I'll see ya'll this weekend, be safe and party hard!!

tommiecollins@gmail.com

Memoirs of a Shot Caller

2010-06-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

This Saturday marks my 1 year anniversary at Ozio Restaurant & Lounge. As I prepare to celebrate this milestone, I can’t help but think back to how this all started…and who better to share my memories with, than YOU!!
It all started when I was 16 years old. My best friend and I decided to throw a party for our birthdays at his house. The party lasted for 2 hours; police had shut the entire neighborhood down and folks that LIVED there had to show I.D. just to get to their house. It wasn’t shut down due to violence, it was just so many people there that it wasn’t enough space to do anything but park your car and walk around. This house party created a monster.
Once in college, I used the fact that I knew every damn body to my advantage. I started throwing everything from Black Student Union Parties at The University of Maryland, to pool parties, to Cabarets. I was a natural, and hey, partying and getting paid for it wasn’t a bad hustle! Soon, my man who was into the club scene pulled me into the DC Club nightlife. It was cool, but very different from the events I had previously been throwing. Suddenly I had to deal with guestlists, bar minimums, and email lists. At first it didn’t appeal to me at ALL. Then, I got a job working at DREAM (aka LOVE) when it first opened. This changed everything for me. As much of an asshole that Marc Barnes is, he knows his shit. I learned a lot working with him, and it helped me make the transition from just a host in a club, to an actual promoter.
After a few years working at Dream, I got hooked up with some Indian gangsters that I’d known from college. They were doing their thing in the promotion game, and they asked me to be down with them. I accepted the invitation, and from that point on, it has been one of the wildest rides of my life. My first time promoting was at Vida, followed by Republic Gardens. Vida was a bust, but my time at Republic was legendary. The Gardens closed a few years after we got there, and then we moved to the then relatively unknown spot called LIV. Our crowd followed us to LIV, and even though it wasn’t the prettiest, or flashiest spot in the city, we made it do what it do. A lot of great relationships came out of our time at LIV, both business AND personal. The staff is still like family to me, from the bartenders to the security to the owner, I met most of the members of the now defunct “Christian Happy Hour(blog on this soon to come)” and the list goes on. From there I have gone to many spots, The Park, Eyebar, Current, 1223, Indie Bleu, and even back to Republic Gardens. We have even expanded to Baltimore & Waldorf, how many folks do you know can say that they’ve thrown events in different markets like that?
They say in order to know where you’re going, you have to look at your past. I look at how I started and I chuckle, but I want to thank each and every person who ever supported me and my Hypnotik crew in all that we have done, and special shout out to my boo boo for putting up with me being a part time party animal. I hope to see you all This Saturday at the “Vintage” Anniversary party at Ozio, and thanks again for all of your support through the years!

Why Did I Get Carried?

2010-04-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

TC Presents: “Why Did I Get Carried?”

Working in the club lately has been hilarious. I have seen so many guys trying their hand with ladies and getting SHUT DOWN. These young cats clearly need some guidance, and who better to shoot some wisdom their way then an O.G. like myself. The summer is approaching fast, so fellas take heed to this advice or else you’ll be alone playing Xbox with random fan boys for the next 4 months! So you rolled up on a nice looking young lady at the club, and she dismissed you almost immediately. You think to yourself, WHY DID I GET CARRIED? Well it was probably because:

- YOUR APPROACH SUCKED: You can’t be acting all shy and timid, asking her dumb questions when you first step up to speak to her. Try to make her smile/laugh, and ask open ended questions so that she can’t shut you down with a one word answer. If you still use pickup lines, then you might just want to go ahead and kill yourself after reading this sentence.

-SHE WAS SHOWING OFF FOR HER FRIENDS: If you see a pretty thing that you wanna holla at, the best thing to do is try to get her by herself. I’m not suggesting that you stalk her all around the club until you see her go off on her own( we’ll get to that later) I’m just letting you know that your chances are always better when she’s away from her buddies. There will always be an ugly friend in the bunch that will try to hate because she’s not getting any play. Best thing to do is either catch her by herself, or get a wingman who has a mean set of beer goggles on, if you know what I mean.

-CONFIDENCE, NOT COCKINESS: Yes, women love a confident man, but that doesn’t mean that you should be the ultimate a$$hole when you approach a woman. Flashing your money and bragging about yourself is either going to get you carried, robbed, or classified as a “sponsor.” Either way, you lose.

-YOU DRESS LIKE A TEENAGER: Slim, your skinny jeans, small blazer and plaid bow tie make you look like the Black Pee Wee Herman. You really expect a respectable woman to take you seriously? And on top of that you have on shades in the club: now I’ll admit, I used to do that, and I apologize to all of those whose lives I almost ruined by doing that. But learn from my mistakes and get some clothes that don’t make you look like a Soulja Boy stunt double.

-YOUR BREATH WAS OFFENSIVE: “Oooh..Your breath smells HARSH, cover your mouth up like you got SARS…” – Kanye West. Drinking dark liquor or thick mixed drinks can leave a sticky feeling in your mouth. That stickiness mixed with thirst, and the heat in your mouth can produce a 5 fingered cloud of stank that will smack the sh*t out of an unsuspecting woman when you say “hello” to her. Keep a bottle of water with you, and invest in some Altoids.

-YOU ARE OLD AS DIRT: Come on son; you’re 40 years old in the club on college night. You pop bottles in front of a crew of girls with “X’s” on their hands trying to impress them. You are a dateline episode just waiting to happen. I think your time has come and gone, and so do the young ladies who you think are smiling at you, but are really laughing at your old ass.

-YOU DANCE LIKE YOU’RE GAY: First off, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. HOWEVER, if you are trying to get a woman to take you seriously, percolating and letting her freak you from behind is NOT the way to do so. I ain’t gonna lie; I had to compose myself when Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” came on in the club the other day. “WAWN WAWN WAWN WHATCHU WAWN WAWN WAWN…”

-YOU ARE TOO THIRSTY: Fellas you can’t win them all. If she turns you down, just accept it, and move on to the next one. Do NOT proceed to stalk her around the club, trust me it will not make her change her mind about turning you away. Check your ego at the door dude, and don’t let some leggings and a phat ass turn into a restraining order and a lifetime ban from the club.

-YOU ARE TOO WASTED: There’s a fine line between being “nice,” and being just plain TWISTED. If you are slurring your words, spitting, or losing your balance when you’re trying to holla, then you might need to sit down before the room starts spinning on you. There’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk person trying to get at you, you are put in the same bothersome category as a bum asking for change or someone from Greenpeace trying to talk you to death on your lunch break.

Fellas, take heed to this advice and all you’ll do is WIN this summer!! Happy hunting and I’ll see ya’ll next time!

-TC

Aka

Tommie Collins

TC's True (c) Hollywood Stories Vol.1-"El Debarge"

2010-02-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

Back in 2002, Platinum Nightclub was the place to BE on Sunday nights. It was 21 & up, and it was the official chill spot for people who worked in the DC Club scene. Bartenders, security, managers and even club owners could all be found in the V.I.P. room regularly on a Sunday night. My man Tim and I were regulars up there on Sundays, but there was one night that will forever stand out. It was a cold evening, my crew and I were anxious to get out of the house and into a hot party. We pre-gamed extra hard, because we were determined to party like some pure rock stars once we got in the club. We arrived early (there wasn’t even a line outside) and walked right on in. There were only about 10 people in the club, you could hear the echo from the music because no one was there. I looked on the dance floor, and saw a petite redbone dancing all by herself like her life depended on it. As I looked a little closer, I found out that it wasn’t a lady, but a man; a grown man with 20 gold chains on, an over sized party shirt with all but 3 buttons loose, stretch pants, and some high heeled boots. Before I could even laugh, I heard the DJ yell, “Shout out to my man El Debarge in the house!!” I held my ribs and let out a 5 minute laugh. I could NOT get myself together, I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I went and talked to security, and he informed me that the dancing man was indeed El Debarge; he was up there with a bodyguard. I laughed some more until tears rolled down my face, and then proceeded to go cop a drink and mingle with the people who were starting to come into the club. After about a half hour, I stepped off to the bathroom for a second. I opened the door, and walked in on El Debarge snorting a line of coke off of the sink!! He turned around startled, and after an awkward 3 seconds of silence asked me, “You want a bump homie?” I politely declined, turned around and left out of the bathroom; I was cool with holding it until he got out of there. I told my friends what happened, but they didn’t believe me :-/ 45 minutes after that, me and the crew decided to go upstairs because the V.I.P. was about to open up. I walked in the room, dapped up Jason & my man Crown Royal, and suddenly heard a yell. I turned around to see a bartender yelling for security to come and GET EL DEBARGE FROM DANCING ON TOP OF HER BAR! The whole visual was hilarious: El Debarge doing Figure Skater Spins on top of the bar with those 20 gold chains flinging around with those Rick James “F*ck Yo Couch” boots on. Security was too busy laughing with us to immediately go over and get him down. They politely told his Bodyguard that any further disruptions would result in him having to leave the club. They rolled their eyes at security and stepped off, and Mr. Debarge kept right on dancing. This dude had been dancing the ENTIRE time that we were there, and didn’t look like he was about to stop anytime soon. Next thing you know the VIP room was getting crowded and the party was getting started. By this time I had taken lots of shots, and I was feeling NOICE. I was in the middle of getting my two step on, and I saw a disturbance in the crowd to my left. I walked closer to make sure that it wasn’t anyone that I had come with, and guess who it was: El Debarge. He had been gliding and sliding across the dance floor grabbing girls asses. Security had him up in the air by his arms with his feet dangling like a little kid. His bodyguard was trying to plead his case, but the security team had enough, he was getting put out. Laughing hysterically, my friends and I followed the situation downstairs and then outside. There was a long line outside of the club by this time, and El Debarge saw that he had an audience. He cussed out the entire security team, the front door staff, their mothers, and their future children. By now my stomach was hurting from laughing so hard, I could NOT believe that all of this was happening right in front of me! A Police Officer was in his squad car during all of his, and got out of the car to make sure that everything was alright. He tapped El Debarge on the shoulder and asked, “Hey man, are you ok?” El Debarge spun around, yelled “Don’t touch me,” and SLAPPED THE OFFICER IN THE FACE. The crowd went silent. The cop seemed to be in shock that he just got bitch slapped by a frail prettyboy with heels on. After he got himself together, he grabbed his club and POPPED El Debarge on the top of the head. El Debarge whimpered, and then collapsed on the sidewalk. The front door staff and my crew let out a 10 minute roar of gut wrenching laughter, and the man of the hour was carried away like a newborn baby by his bodyguard. I’d like to thank Seagram’s Extra Dry Gin, Belvedere vodka, and EL Debarge for making that a night that I will never forget. R.I.P. Platinum Nightclub.

Soul Covers: The Blog & The Event

2010-01-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I always get excited when I see that artists have covered other artists work, just so I can see them put their spin on an already quality project. Sadly, remakes and covers have turned into a way of stealing momentum, instead of paying homage. There are still a few covers that have caught my attention, and have been on heavy rotation for the past few weeks. I would like to share them with you, and also invite you to "Soul Covers:" The event is an art/music showcase at Ben's Next Door, Ft. Jaye Luke & Wes Felton, 2 of DC's own most prolific artists. Jaye Luke will transform your favorite album covers into digital art, and Wes Felton will make those albums come to life through the speakers. 1|17|10 @ Bens Next Door|1211 U Street NW DC|Doors Open @ 9pm

Stevie Wonder originally wrote this song for MJ (with the help of Susaye Green from the Original Supremes) On this live remake, Quincy Jones produced it and added the flutes & horns like only he can. Stevie did his joint justice.

Michael Jackson- I Can’t Help it-
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108632971b8735c/

Stevie Wonder- I can’t help it
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108632674ee762e/

This dark melodic track was so rock starish, that many garage bands tried to cover it. Lil Wayne killed it live, and only one band could capture that energy and passion with a remake. Introducing Framing Hanley.

Lil’ Wayne- Lollipop
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710863726cf165f3/

Framing Hanley-Lollipop
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108636979ec5894/

It's hard to cover an Earth Wind & Fire song, but if you are gonna jump out there, THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT. You never know what direction a song is gonna take when Bilal is on it, but he's one of the only artists with enough soul to pull this remake off.

Earth Wind & Fire- Can’t Hide Love
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108649509522b99/

Randy Watson Experience ft. Bilal- Can’t Hide Love
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108651640a4e409/

What? You mean to tell me that someone did a respectable cover of a Prince song without hotstepping across the stage in some assless chaps? YES. Raheem not only held his own on the track, but he also takes you to church at the end of the song. A must have for Prince(and Raheem)fans.

Prince-I Would Die 4 U
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086528c87f2e43/

Raheem Devaugn-I Would Die 4 U
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710865215cdbe7e1/

I'm a big Mary J. Blige fan. But I must admit, her new stuff can't touch her old work. It's something about the pain in her voice, I could feel each note that she sang. Her albums were the soundtrack to a lot of smoking sessions back in the day.(or so I heard...) | When I saw that Eric Roberson remade "My Life," I was worried...but after listening to it, I have a new found respect for the man.

Mary J Blige- My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086526dc727dfa/

Eric Roberson- My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710865483a17dbff/

This is the most surprising remake of all! I remember sitting in my room listening to Rakim flip this song to a crazy drum sequence, it was the first time I'd ever heard him curse in a song. Years later, Robin Thicke is flipping the song with the same beat, same sample and the same lyrics into a blue eyed soul session. Classic.

Eric B. & Rakim- Mahogany
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086587fff1b1ec/

Robin Thicke- Mrs Sexy
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710865886800ca6c/

You already know how I feel about this song...one of MJ's BEST slow songs EVER. I am proud of DC's own Lissen Band for remaking this and adding their own swing to it.

Michael Jackson- Lady In My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710862946aed3336/

Lissen Band- Lady In My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086299ba44b8c1/

I hope you all enjoy these songs as much as I have, and I hope to see you all on Sunday!!

Be My Number 2

2009-12-22T09:16:00.000-08:00

This blog is sponsored by this song: http://www.sendspace.com/file/0btk9d

Infidelity is complicated. There are now stages and categories of extramarital affairs and as you see on the news every week, things are starting to get messy. Even though it’s been happening since the first relationship was created, “creeping” has now been brought from the shadows to the limelight. I refuse to contribute to anymore about the golf player who recently was “caught up,” but his situation made me think, “Why do these ladies settle for being number 2?” The answer is complicated. Some of them don’t see themselves as number two, some of them aren’t even number 2, and some of them are just f*cking groupies. Let me break this down for you real quick:

A true “Number 2” is different from these random chickens who are out here tricking for Louboutins. A number 2 is someone who the married party actually has deep rooted feelings for. They could be their “soulmate,” or “the one who got away.” I know you’re thinking, “Well if they are soulmates, why didn’t they marry THEM?” You never know the reason for that; maybe they never got along, maybe other circumstances prevented them from tying the knot. A number 2 gets privileges, trips, gifts, and a long term contract. If something ever goes wrong in the marriage, the number two is next up, and ready to roll. Alicia Keys is a number two. Had poor Swizz Beatz calling Mashonda with the Harlem Nights quote: “Yeah, Mashonda, it's Swizzie. Yeah lookit, I ain't never coming home no more. Take it easy.”

Not to be confused with the “Number 2,” is the “jumpoff.” Lots of ladies who creep with married men think they are ‘Number 2’s” or wish to be, but they aren’t. See, jumpoffs don’t get the same treatment as number 2’s. They might get shoe/suit money here, rent money there, but they are only used for one thing. Some are used for sex, some are used as a trophy, and some are only called when the married party is in town for the weekend. Jumpoffs are the ones who will make the front page of the news when they realize that they will never become a number 2. Their frustration will cause them to suicide bomb their way into the media, telling on both themselves AND the married person they crept with. Number 2’s have their own agenda, so this wouldn’t even be an option for them. Those jumpoffs however, are independent contractors, and have nothing to lose.

In a perfect world, folks wouldn’t be out here creeping in the first place, so none of this would even be an issue. But in a world of greed, deception, booty injections and Viagra, we have to put up with who is stepping out on who, with what, when, and for how long? And please don’t think this is just about women who run the streets with married men, because trust and believe there are just as many women who have their number 2’s and their jumpoffs as well! Their husbands might treat them well, but they are either swagless, broke, or their penis is teensy weensy. So to all of you “other women” out there, as you get ready to meet your married boo for a night of undercover fun, look in the mirror and ask yourself, which one are you?

Tommie Collins

Aka

Big Poppa Pump

Whatcha Doin 4 NYE?? COme party with me @ Union Station!!

Art|Wine| & Acid Jazz| 12509

2009-12-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

Wassup everybody! I hope you all had a great thanksgiving, filled with good food and fun with your families. Now that the turkey is digested and you can't stand the sight of anymore leftovers, it's time to get down to BUSINESS! I would like to formally invite you all to"Magnum Opus," a digital art showcase this Saturday at Ozio Restaurant & Lounge from 6pm to 9pm. The featured artist is Jaye Luke, a DC native who creates masterpieces and then renders them with a twisted genius. You might remember some of his work from my past birthday celebrations; he designed and created the big birthday cards for me.
Dinner will be served during the showcase, and free wine will be poured for those who order a 3 course meal...here's the menu:
For my lushes out there, there is also a happy hour from 6-9pm, so you can enjoy a cocktail or two while you are enjoying the artwork. This event is completely free, so there's no need to try to sneak in the party like the couple who crashed the White House State Dinner; no guestlist needed just walk on in and enjoy yourself. After the Showcase, DJ Blaze will proceed to rock the house and we will party all night long. You are welcome to stay, but only if you can handle being a part of the SEXIEST Saturday night party in the CITY. I'll see you all on Saturday, hit me with any questions, reservations or inquiries. Oh, and here's a free Acid Jazz Mixtape that I put together....ENJOY!!
http://www.sendspace.com/file/zrnvt8

TC
aka
Tommie Collins

Canned Food Drive this Saturday @ Ozio!!

2009-11-20T06:43:00.000-08:00

What are you thankful for?

I am thankful for my family and friends because in some form or
fashion, they have made me who I am today.

I am thankful that I was blessed with one of the most awesome-est
noses on the east coast.

I'm so serious about my nose, it's damn near perfect.

I feel that we all should sit down and give some thought to what we
are grateful to have, and who we are grateful to be acquainted with.
I also feel that we should give back in some way during this time of
the year. Not everyone is as fortunate as us, and to be able to help
someone else out is a blessing in itself. We are having a canned food
drive at Ozio this Saturday: just one canned good could help out more
than you can imagine. All donations will be going to The Lifestyles
of Maryland organization (www.lifestylesofmd.org) who will be giving
away Thanksgiving baskets starting on Nov. 23rd to the less fortunate.
There has never been a better time to give back to the community and
take shots at the same time. Shout out to Lenita & Kym: Happy
Birthday Ladies. I'll see you at Ozio on Saturday, where I'll
probably be doing Prince dances by 12 am, like this:

Thank you all for your support, and I'll see you on Saturday.
p.s. I hope the Cowboys LOSE.

-TC
aka
Tommie Moon
aka
A Pillar of the Community

Halloween, Free Chicken, & Good Music!!

2009-10-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

First of all, I kindly ask all of you to please pray for my grandmother. She is a die hard Redskins fan, and is about to slip into a heavy football depression. *snicker*

Wassup everybody, I'd like to thank everyone who came out this weekend for the HU festivities. Ozio was a good look; great food , strong drinks, and people who know how to party without acting like fools. This weekend, we are giving you all a Halloween treat. Join us @ Ozio this Sat for a "True Blood" themed Costume Party!! get there early, because it's guaranteed to be a busy night! I'm dressing up as either:
A Gay Fish
Khloe Kardashian
Falcon the Balloon Boy
Thug Jesus
a Rum & Coke
or
Dan Snyder

Check out the flyer for details, or just hit me up, you know I'll take care of ya!

Gas prices are creeping up on the low...the news won't say anything about it, but I see it slowly climbing! We still need to pinch our pennies, so every chance I get, I'm gonna pass along some savings. Here is a free chicken dinner meal coupon from Boston Market, that's good all week long. I know it works, because I used it yesterday, so don't worry about it being a fake, they wont turn you down like KFC did.

Speaking of chicken, Ryan Leslie has a new album coming out and it is OFF THE CHAIN. If you'd like to listen to a few snippets of the album, download this link and enjoy.http://www.sendspace.com/file/hax7ba
Please buy the album and support the artist!! Ok enough free stuff, let me get back to work. I'll see some of ya'll this weekend at Ozio, and the others I'll probably see in line at Boston Market.

TC
aka
Tommie Zorn

Ten Reasons You Should Come to Tommie Collins' Birthday Party!

2009-09-01T05:25:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year again folks…my birthday is coming up and I am celebrating BIG!! This Saturday, myself along with a Virgo Host Committee that makes the Dream Team look like last years Washington Wizards, are throwing a Huge Virgo Birthday Bash at Ozio Restaurant & Lounge in Downtown Washington DC. Shots will be taken, tables will be danced on, and relationships will be ruined once the pictures of the night make it to facebook. For those who have never been to a TC birthday party, come prepared with an open mind, bail money, an extra pair of clothes, and a vial of holy water. Special Shout out to Toya "Elle" P., Franko aka "The Animal," ListentoLeon, Bri Cooley, King Kan, and my sister Wildfox for coming up with the top ten list. Oh, and the The Virgo Host list > World leaders & Politicians.

Top Ten Reasons You Should come to TC's B-Day Party:

10) They will be taping his new reality show "Shots of Love" for BET

9) Chuck Norris entertains himself by looking up "True TC Facts" on the internet.

8) You should come to T.C. Birthday party, so you can be tweet twittering and facebooking from the club, like everybody else that’s gonna be there..dont be left out.

7) Because he licks your face if he really likes you.

6) It is gonna be like the 2009 version of the Sugar Shack painting from Good Times with TC in the middle with his hand in the air.

5) Because TC will be using his powers to "glamour" people the entire night like Eric on True Blood; u will wake up with no memory of how u got home!

4) Because the first time we met in “Dream” he told me I was raised to be scandalous because I'm light skinned :-/

3) TC has taken more shots than Kobe Bryant in the 4th quarter. (I witnessed this man invent "Smirnoff Rice")

2) God don't like ugly, and neither does TC. So expect a good looking crowd.

1) Because it’s Labor Day weekend, and you need to come party with the Virgos!!

“Tommie Collins' Intimate Playlist”

2009-08-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

“Tommie Collins' Intimate Playlist”

They say music soothes the savage beast. I must agree with whoever coined that phrase, because there have been plenty of times where some smooth jazz has mellowed me out from a hyper and destructive mood. No matter how old you are, what race or nationality you are, and even what gender you may be; a nice slow jam can calm even the most hyper person down. This blog is my gift to you...a collection of my favorite slow jams from my teenage years, to now. I consider myself to be a musical sultan, so included in the playlist are valuable comments about selected song. Thank me later, and I am in no way responsible for the children that may be conceived, swallowed or vacuumed after this playlist is downloaded or streamed.

Raheem Devaughn- Prototype
Andre 3000 is one of my favorite artists, but Raheem made this song his bitch.

Atlantic Starr- Send for Me
Back in '98 I used to stop the music during my man Tim's wild house parties, put this song on, and start singing it at the top of my lungs. After 4 or 5 times, people stopped cursing at me, and started singing along with me. R.I.P. Drinking str8 gin directly out of the bottle.

Michael Jackson- Liberian Girl
Fellas: If you're ever home alone..late at night...put this song on, and turn the TV to Telemundo but set the volume on mute....thank me later.

R Kelly- Seems like You're Ready
Be careful, this is one of those songs that will make you leave it in. Don't get Nas-ed.

Mary J. Blige-A Dream

R.I.P. to my Friend Kiana...this song was playing when I left her funeral, and I always think about her when I hear this joint. Make sure you hug your loved ones while you have the chance.

Aaron Hall- All The Places I Will Kiss You
This is some freaky, toe lickin, back scratchin type of music right chea. Make you feel the need to go to Church to repent the next morning, even if you’re not Catholic.

Jamariquai- Everyday
This song is great for vacation sex. Makes you just wanna hump on the beach and get sand betwixt your buttcheeks.

R Kelly- Slow Wind
Get a sexy Jamaican girl to wind for you if you really want to enjoy this song to the fullest. Lawdamercy.

Prince- Do Me Baby
You know how they say that birth control works 99.99 percent of the time? Whenever that 00.01 percent occurs, a Prince song is playing in the background. Seriously.

Bilal- All For Love

This song is for hopeless romantics...who like to get high and do it in public places. I won't judge you, boo.

Keith Washington f/ Chante Moore- I Love You
When I was younger, I was R. Kellied by an older woman who put me onto Keith Washington. Nowadays, I'm the one doing the R. Kelly-ing. *Sipping Deer Park*

Mary J Blige ft K-Ci- If Loving You is all That I have To Do
You can feel their chemistry in this song. For all women who have been jabbed by their man and love it...this song goes out to your dumb asses.

Prince- Adore
This is my number 2 all time slow jam. Words can't express how this song makes me feel, I'd just lick you on the side of the face then blow on it and hope you understand what I mean.

Michael Jackson- The Lady In My Life
My number 1 slow jam, even had it sang at my wedding. I have included the MJ version AND the Lissen Band version, just because I keep it so damn regional.

D'Angelo- How does it Feel
No homo.

Wes Felton- Politics of Blutopia
This song is deep. DC's own Wes Felton wrote and sang this song about strange relationships that we all can relate to so much too.

Christina Agruleria- Loving Me for Me
Perfect song to play late night when you're taking your weezie back to her dorm room.

Chris Brown- Poppin
Don't judge me, please.

R Kelly- 12 Play
Young, seriously. The dude counted to 12, and made it sound GOOD. Gotta respect him musically. Brb, gotta pee.

Dru Hill- Beauty is Her Name
Sure, most of the group didn't even like women for real, but they KILLED this song. Sisqo looked like Tweety Bird.

Lauryn Hill ft D'Angelo- Nothing Even Matters
I hope that all of you reading this meet that special someone who makes you feel like nothing even matters when you're with them.

Robin Thicke- Lost Without You
The perfect "please Don't Break up With Me" song. Play this when you're in the doghouse.

Teena Marie- Portugeese Love
You know near the end of this joint, when the beat gets real fast and bossa nova-ish...use that part to your advantage, if you know what I mean.

Chico Debarge- Is the Love Still Good
This entire album contributed to me being a skeezer in college. Beautiful song, great concept, excellent results.

Please Feel Free to post YOUR favorite slow jams, Let's keep this thing going!

Download Link:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/nio0s3

tommiecollins

For The Fellas: Top 5 Targets This Summer

TC vs Twitterscopes

My Ode to Wearing Shades in the Club

My Ode to Black Love

TC's True (c) Hollywood Stories Vol.2- Prince

||The Pavilion|| A NYE '11 Affair

Cool Christmas Gifts for Guys

"Status Update": Dec. 1st World Aids Day Event!!

Just to put things in Perspective: AFRICA.

Sweet Dreamz Are Made Of Deez....

HU HOMECOMING 2010

Memoirs of a Shot Caller

Why Did I Get Carried?

TC's True (c) Hollywood Stories Vol.1-"El Debarge"

Soul Covers: The Blog & The Event

Be My Number 2

Art|Wine| & Acid Jazz| 12*5*09

Canned Food Drive this Saturday @ Ozio!!

Halloween, Free Chicken, & Good Music!!

Ten Reasons You Should Come to Tommie Collins' Birthday Party!

“Tommie Collins' Intimate Playlist”

Art|Wine| & Acid Jazz| 12509