What NOT to do at a Day Party

Day parties are the hottest thing to hit the DC party scene this summer.  There are some really nice ones at Rosebar, Cities, Barcode, and my favorite, Ozio.  As I stroll through these events I observe some of the dumbest shit I have ever seen.  I’m sharing this with you today so that you don’t make these same mistakes when you are out at one of DC’s nicest events…

Don’t Show Up Too Late: Most Day Parties start when it’s too damn hot to be outside.  However, the longer you wait to show up, the harder it’s going to be to get in.  The lines are long, the temperature is humid, and if it’s at a DOPE spot, they might be at capacity later on in the evening.  Unless you have a friend who works or promotes there, I suggest getting your happy ass there at a decent time so you won’t have to deal with long lines and a sweaty butt trying to get inside.

Don’t Drink Too Much:  I know we all say “Don’t Turn Up too Much!!”  But it has an entirely different meaning at Day Parties:  Heat and liquor don’t mix.  Sure there will be ample A/C in the club/deck/patio, but it’ll still be glaring sun/heat there that will put you DOWN if you drink too much.  I’ve seen grown men AND women passed out at a V.I.P table after one too many Jameson shots and direct sunlight shut them down.

Maintain Your Two Step: It’s June.  I know the DJ just played your favorite song but please don’t jump all around the bar like you’re in church and you just caught the Holy Ghost.  People sweat and get all musty on the dance floor and then have the whole section smelling like recess.  If you have a gland/sweat/funk problem, pack some extra baby powder on your back or something before you come out.  Some of you ladies are too pretty to be smelling as bad as you do.

What’s Beef?: Please don’t ruin a perfectly good Day Party by trying to act tough.  Day Parties are for having a good time, if you want to beef in the club go to Adams Morgan at NIGHT.  Most folks that hit up Day Party events are gainfully employed and rather have fun during the afternoon so they can go home and not have to be hung over the entire next day.  Oh that’s just me?  Well, still leave that gangsta shit for when the sun goes down, don’t disturb this groove!!

SEQUELS WE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE

SEQUELS WE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE

Most sequels suck.   Not all of them are terrible, but so many of them are that I just don’t trust the quality of a movie if it has “2” in the title.  I read on twitter the other day that they are making a “Drumline 2,” and a “Space Jam 2.”  The latest movie that I heard is getting a sequel is Spike Lee’s “School Daze.”  As I shake my head in disgust, I think back to which movies I always wanted to see a sequel to, but never came…here are a few:

Boomerang

 

This was a very well put together movie.  The cast was awesome.  A part II would have done well no doubt, but I’m kinda glad they left it just the way it ended.

Soul Food

 

This almost doesn’t count because Showtime had that Soul Food show, so it almost sorta kinda did have a sequel…but they could have made this work, even though Big Mama would have been absent.  I just wanted an excuse to see Nia Long in a movie again.

Bad Boys 3

 

Look, this could still happen, and I am here for it.  Somebody get Will & Martin on the phone and tell them to get it together.  This cannot however, happen with any other combination of actors.  I’ll personally bomb Hollywood if I see Nick Canon and Michael Jordan in a damn Bad Boys 3 commercial…NO THANK YOU.

Love Jones

 

I believe that this also could be a huge draw still to this day.  This movie was filled with great poetry, great music, familiar relationship scenarios, and excellent chemistry between the cast.  I always wished they had made a sequel to this; it would have definitely been worth seeing.  And by seeing I mean going out to the movies to see it, not illegally downloading it on your phone.  Not that I do that.

A Low Down Dirty Shame

 

Jada comes back as Peaches, Keenen Ivory Wayans as Shame.  They are married now and have their own P.I. Firm.  That would have been a dope way to start the movie for the sequel!!  But alas, this movie didn’t make all that much $$ in the theaters, so a part 2 wasn’t even in negotiations. 

Major Payne

 

What if Payne got deployed in Afghanistan???  No?  My bad, I’m reaching.

Class Act

 

ok Kid and Play would have had another hit on their hands if they took the Class Act sequel to college.  I mean we’re getting close to House Party 2 territory, but I think it would have been a better decision than putting out that damn straight to DVD House Party 4.  That shit was terrible, man.

Blue Streak 2

 

Martin & Dave Chappelle!!  This has classic written all over it!!  Somebody call some agents and make it happen!!

What movies would you like to see made into sequels?

Women and Football

TC Tuesdays
{Women and Football}

 

@StillettoJill.  @ChelsIsRight.  @TheNFLChick.  The Gridiron Gals.  These are all examples of women who love football and probably know more about it than you.  Nowadays women are REAL fans of the sport; they will crack open a brew and watch a full days’ worth of football right along with you.  Some guys don’t like it, they still believe that women should be in the kitchen and not trying to watch the game with the fellas.  A smart man however, will use this to his advantage.  What better way to get your “foot in the door,” than to talk sports with a hot woman?  That’s the American Dream!  Well ain’t it??  Today is your lucky day fellas, because I’m going to help you out.  I’m going to tell you the personality types of female fans of each NFL team, so that you can prepare your approach by simply looking at which NFL jersey she’s wearing.  Thank me later!!

Female San Francisco 49er Fans – Really Cool and Down to Earth.  Most are addicted to anal sex.
Female Arizona Cardinals  & St. Louis Rams Fans – No such thing.
Female Seattle Seahawks Fans - Pretty, soft spoken, and extremely racist.
Female Washington Redskin Fans – Groupies for life.
Female Philadelphia Eagles Fans – low down, gritty and grimy.
Female New York Giants Fans – Smart, classy, and better than you.
Female Dallas Cowboys Fans – Hard to get along with, but the vagina is excellent.
Female Atlanta Falcon Fans – Buys Pregnancy tests at the Dollar Store.
Female Carolina Panthers Fans – Clean dress, dirty mouth.
Female New Orleans Saints Fans – Most are musty, but have great personalities.
Female Tampa Bay Bucs Fans – There are no female Tampa Bay Buc fans.  Never were.
Female Chicago Bears, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, and Minnesota Viking Fans:
Can out drink you and beat you in arm wrestling.  Tread Lightly.
Female Baltimore Ravens Fans – Snoop from “The Wire” was a Ravens fan.  Enough said.
Female Cincinnati Bengals Fans – Most are Grandmothers by the time they are 35 years old.
Female Cleveland Browns Fans – Love to bully their gay husbands.
Female Pittsburgh Steeler Fans – Loyal.
Female Houston Texans Fans - Girls from Texas who weren’t pretty enough to be Dallas Cowboys fans.
Female Indianapolis Colts Fans – Are now Denver Broncos Fans
Female Jacksonville Jaguars Fans – I don’t even think there are MALE Jaguars fans, let along FEMALE fans.
Female Tennessee Titans Fans – Weird as shit.  Like to eat condoms and smoke incense.
Female New England Fans – Best dressed of them all.
Female Miami Dolphins Fans – All trying to get pregnant by Dwayne Wade.
Female New York Jets Fans – Beautiful, except for the gold teeth and tattoos.
Female Buffalo Bills Fans – It’s only one of them in the entire world, and she’s disgusting.
Female Denver Bronco Fans – Only attracted to older men with long heads.
Female Kansas City Chiefs fans – Usually cool, but after this past weekend, approach with caution.
Female San Diego Chargers Fans – Like to drink until they pass out, then post Facebook messages about Christ the next day.
Female Oakland Raiders Fans- Don’t like to shave, wax, or get their toes done during football season.

-Please don’t take offense to this, it’s all jokes!  Well, except for the Redskin and Cowboy female fans description, those two are for real!

Common Myths About Black Dating

[Common Myths About Black Dating]

People talk a lot of trash when it comes to dating.  They tell you what they won’t accept, what they won’t do and what they absolutely WILL NOT tolerate.  2 years later you’ll see them with a person they swore up and down they would never fall for.  Why?  The answer is simple: when it comes down to it, some folks aren’t as picky as they claim to be.  There are many myths and urban legends when it comes to dating in the black community, here are a few of them:

 "All Men are dogs:" We know this is not true.  All men that you are attracted to are dogs.  Most women have that “bad boy” phase in their life where they want what they can’t have, and have to taste the “forbidden fruit.”  Many women grow out of that and settle down with a man who treats them well.  Others are still chasing after Chief Keef’s and wonder why they can’t find a “good Man.”

 "Single Mothers are Clingy:" I hear a lot of guys slandering single mothers like they are damaged goods.  Behind closed doors, those SAME dudes who are slandering single mothers are trying to wife them up, don’t be fooled. 

 "Women won’t date a man who lives with his mom:" I have a few friends who live in their mom’s basement, and get more butt than ash trays.  All of these women talk bad about a man living with his parents, yet some of them are creeping out that back door doing the walk of shame in the morning.

 "Chivalry is dead:" No it is not.  If a woman says this she either is dating the wrong men, or is not fully prepared to accept “chivalry.”  The same women who say chivalry is dead are the same ones who won’t let a man open the door for them because they think he’s gonna look at their ass.  Oh, and FYI, I looked.

 "Age aint nothing but a number:" Yes it is.  Age is a code for maturity level, naivety, and ratchetness.  If you are out on a date and your young chick doesn’t know how to respond in the correct manner, you’ll see just how much more than a number her age really is.  Same thing applies to cougars and sugar daddies. 

   "Social Networks have ruined dating:" That’s a lie.  You just happen to chat with folks who catfish you and have no intention of ever meeting you in person, let along taking you on a date.  Or maybe YOU are the catfish, hmmmmm

"It aint trickiin’ if you got it:" Tricking is tricking no matter if you “got it” or if you don’t.  The only difference is, rich dudes don’t give a damn because it’s their money and they spend it how they please.  Broke guys worry about it because they are pinching every penny they can hold on to.  

Don't Get Played on Valentine's Day!!

Don’t Get Played On Valentine’s Day!

Ladies don’t let your boo play you on Valentines’ day.  Guys will only get away with what you let them, and some things you just cannot shrug off.  Who knows what he has up his sleeve:  whether it’s going out with another girl, going out to meet somebody else, or even staying home to play video games. (If he ditches you to stay home and play video games, then your vagina is TRASH.) At any rate, if he hits you with any of these excuses, get rid of him immediately, and join ChristianMingle.com to find you a new boo who believes in Valentine’s Day, tithes and shit like that.

“I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day” - I understand that not everybody believes in White Jesus.  But Vday is NOT about religion, it’s just a day to celebrate the love that you have for a certain person.  Now you don’t have to by her diamonds or take her on a trip around the world, but just a small token of appreciation will make her feel good that she has someone who appreciates her at home.  If he doesn’t believe in Valentine ’s Day at least for your sake, then you might want to keep those options open ladies. 

“I have to work”- If you go to www.google.com, they have calendars for 2013, 2014, and beyond.  It’s not like Valentine’s Day is a secret, it will NOT pop up on you.  What job do you have that you have to work The ENTIRE DAY and can’t fit at least a half hour to see her?  If he doesn’t care enough to plan ahead and take off to be with you, then that’s some selfish shit right there, and who knows what else he WON’T do for you in the future.  (sidenote: I have to work on Valentine’s day, tell your mom I’m sorry)

“I’m broke”- You stand in line for Jordans, spend $$ on smoke to burn,  and hit the club every weekend.  Ladies, if you’re not in his budget then you’re not that important to him. 

“My Car Broke Down” – If he is a grown man and doesn’t know how to properly use public transportation, drop him.  If you’re dating a man that drives a car that is on its last leg, well that’s on YOU.  If you don’t have a car, then close this blog and get your life together.

“I was arrested/locked up/detained” – If you’re dating a “street dude,” then you should be prepared for this line at any given time, even on Valentine’s Day.  If not, then he’s most likely spending the night over his baby mom’s house, and the only handcuffs that are on him are the ones that she put on him in the bedroom.  Change your phone number and block him on Facebook.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!