Why Did I Get Carried?

TC Presents: “Why Did I Get Carried?”

Working in the club lately has been hilarious. I have seen so many guys trying their hand with ladies and getting SHUT DOWN. These young cats clearly need some guidance, and who better to shoot some wisdom their way then an O.G. like myself. The summer is approaching fast, so fellas take heed to this advice or else you’ll be alone playing Xbox with random fan boys for the next 4 months! So you rolled up on a nice looking young lady at the club, and she dismissed you almost immediately. You think to yourself, WHY DID I GET CARRIED? Well it was probably because:

- YOUR APPROACH SUCKED: You can’t be acting all shy and timid, asking her dumb questions when you first step up to speak to her. Try to make her smile/laugh, and ask open ended questions so that she can’t shut you down with a one word answer. If you still use pickup lines, then you might just want to go ahead and kill yourself after reading this sentence.

-SHE WAS SHOWING OFF FOR HER FRIENDS: If you see a pretty thing that you wanna holla at, the best thing to do is try to get her by herself. I’m not suggesting that you stalk her all around the club until you see her go off on her own( we’ll get to that later) I’m just letting you know that your chances are always better when she’s away from her buddies. There will always be an ugly friend in the bunch that will try to hate because she’s not getting any play. Best thing to do is either catch her by herself, or get a wingman who has a mean set of beer goggles on, if you know what I mean.

-CONFIDENCE, NOT COCKINESS: Yes, women love a confident man, but that doesn’t mean that you should be the ultimate a$$hole when you approach a woman. Flashing your money and bragging about yourself is either going to get you carried, robbed, or classified as a “sponsor.” Either way, you lose.

-YOU DRESS LIKE A TEENAGER: Slim, your skinny jeans, small blazer and plaid bow tie make you look like the Black Pee Wee Herman. You really expect a respectable woman to take you seriously? And on top of that you have on shades in the club: now I’ll admit, I used to do that, and I apologize to all of those whose lives I almost ruined by doing that. But learn from my mistakes and get some clothes that don’t make you look like a Soulja Boy stunt double.

-YOUR BREATH WAS OFFENSIVE: “Oooh..Your breath smells HARSH, cover your mouth up like you got SARS…” – Kanye West. Drinking dark liquor or thick mixed drinks can leave a sticky feeling in your mouth. That stickiness mixed with thirst, and the heat in your mouth can produce a 5 fingered cloud of stank that will smack the sh*t out of an unsuspecting woman when you say “hello” to her. Keep a bottle of water with you, and invest in some Altoids.

-YOU ARE OLD AS DIRT: Come on son; you’re 40 years old in the club on college night. You pop bottles in front of a crew of girls with “X’s” on their hands trying to impress them. You are a dateline episode just waiting to happen. I think your time has come and gone, and so do the young ladies who you think are smiling at you, but are really laughing at your old ass.

-YOU DANCE LIKE YOU’RE GAY: First off, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. HOWEVER, if you are trying to get a woman to take you seriously, percolating and letting her freak you from behind is NOT the way to do so. I ain’t gonna lie; I had to compose myself when Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” came on in the club the other day. “WAWN WAWN WAWN WHATCHU WAWN WAWN WAWN…”

-YOU ARE TOO THIRSTY: Fellas you can’t win them all. If she turns you down, just accept it, and move on to the next one. Do NOT proceed to stalk her around the club, trust me it will not make her change her mind about turning you away. Check your ego at the door dude, and don’t let some leggings and a phat ass turn into a restraining order and a lifetime ban from the club.

-YOU ARE TOO WASTED: There’s a fine line between being “nice,” and being just plain TWISTED. If you are slurring your words, spitting, or losing your balance when you’re trying to holla, then you might need to sit down before the room starts spinning on you. There’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk person trying to get at you, you are put in the same bothersome category as a bum asking for change or someone from Greenpeace trying to talk you to death on your lunch break.

Fellas, take heed to this advice and all you’ll do is WIN this summer!! Happy hunting and I’ll see ya’ll next time!

-TC

Aka

Tommie Collins

TC's True (c) Hollywood Stories Vol.1-"El Debarge"

Back in 2002, Platinum Nightclub was the place to BE on Sunday nights. It was 21 & up, and it was the official chill spot for people who worked in the DC Club scene. Bartenders, security, managers and even club owners could all be found in the V.I.P. room regularly on a Sunday night. My man Tim and I were regulars up there on Sundays, but there was one night that will forever stand out. It was a cold evening, my crew and I were anxious to get out of the house and into a hot party. We pre-gamed extra hard, because we were determined to party like some pure rock stars once we got in the club. We arrived early (there wasn’t even a line outside) and walked right on in. There were only about 10 people in the club, you could hear the echo from the music because no one was there. I looked on the dance floor, and saw a petite redbone dancing all by herself like her life depended on it. As I looked a little closer, I found out that it wasn’t a lady, but a man; a grown man with 20 gold chains on, an over sized party shirt with all but 3 buttons loose, stretch pants, and some high heeled boots. Before I could even laugh, I heard the DJ yell, “Shout out to my man El Debarge in the house!!” I held my ribs and let out a 5 minute laugh. I could NOT get myself together, I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I went and talked to security, and he informed me that the dancing man was indeed El Debarge; he was up there with a bodyguard. I laughed some more until tears rolled down my face, and then proceeded to go cop a drink and mingle with the people who were starting to come into the club. After about a half hour, I stepped off to the bathroom for a second. I opened the door, and walked in on El Debarge snorting a line of coke off of the sink!! He turned around startled, and after an awkward 3 seconds of silence asked me, “You want a bump homie?” I politely declined, turned around and left out of the bathroom; I was cool with holding it until he got out of there. I told my friends what happened, but they didn’t believe me :-/ 45 minutes after that, me and the crew decided to go upstairs because the V.I.P. was about to open up. I walked in the room, dapped up Jason & my man Crown Royal, and suddenly heard a yell. I turned around to see a bartender yelling for security to come and GET EL DEBARGE FROM DANCING ON TOP OF HER BAR! The whole visual was hilarious: El Debarge doing Figure Skater Spins on top of the bar with those 20 gold chains flinging around with those Rick James “F*ck Yo Couch” boots on. Security was too busy laughing with us to immediately go over and get him down. They politely told his Bodyguard that any further disruptions would result in him having to leave the club. They rolled their eyes at security and stepped off, and Mr. Debarge kept right on dancing. This dude had been dancing the ENTIRE time that we were there, and didn’t look like he was about to stop anytime soon. Next thing you know the VIP room was getting crowded and the party was getting started. By this time I had taken lots of shots, and I was feeling NOICE. I was in the middle of getting my two step on, and I saw a disturbance in the crowd to my left. I walked closer to make sure that it wasn’t anyone that I had come with, and guess who it was: El Debarge. He had been gliding and sliding across the dance floor grabbing girls asses. Security had him up in the air by his arms with his feet dangling like a little kid. His bodyguard was trying to plead his case, but the security team had enough, he was getting put out. Laughing hysterically, my friends and I followed the situation downstairs and then outside. There was a long line outside of the club by this time, and El Debarge saw that he had an audience. He cussed out the entire security team, the front door staff, their mothers, and their future children. By now my stomach was hurting from laughing so hard, I could NOT believe that all of this was happening right in front of me! A Police Officer was in his squad car during all of his, and got out of the car to make sure that everything was alright. He tapped El Debarge on the shoulder and asked, “Hey man, are you ok?” El Debarge spun around, yelled “Don’t touch me,” and SLAPPED THE OFFICER IN THE FACE. The crowd went silent. The cop seemed to be in shock that he just got bitch slapped by a frail prettyboy with heels on. After he got himself together, he grabbed his club and POPPED El Debarge on the top of the head. El Debarge whimpered, and then collapsed on the sidewalk. The front door staff and my crew let out a 10 minute roar of gut wrenching laughter, and the man of the hour was carried away like a newborn baby by his bodyguard. I’d like to thank Seagram’s Extra Dry Gin, Belvedere vodka, and EL Debarge for making that a night that I will never forget. R.I.P. Platinum Nightclub.

Soul Covers: The Blog & The Event

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I always get excited when I see that artists have covered other artists work, just so I can see them put their spin on an already quality project. Sadly, remakes and covers have turned into a way of stealing momentum, instead of paying homage. There are still a few covers that have caught my attention, and have been on heavy rotation for the past few weeks. I would like to share them with you, and also invite you to "Soul Covers:" The event is an art/music showcase at Ben's Next Door, Ft. Jaye Luke & Wes Felton, 2 of DC's own most prolific artists. Jaye Luke will transform your favorite album covers into digital art, and Wes Felton will make those albums come to life through the speakers. 1|17|10 @ Bens Next Door|1211 U Street NW DC|Doors Open @ 9pm

Stevie Wonder originally wrote this song for MJ (with the help of Susaye Green from the Original Supremes) On this live remake, Quincy Jones produced it and added the flutes & horns like only he can. Stevie did his joint justice.

Michael Jackson- I Can’t Help it-
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108632971b8735c/

Stevie Wonder- I can’t help it
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108632674ee762e/

This dark melodic track was so rock starish, that many garage bands tried to cover it. Lil Wayne killed it live, and only one band could capture that energy and passion with a remake. Introducing Framing Hanley.

Lil’ Wayne- Lollipop
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710863726cf165f3/

Framing Hanley-Lollipop
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108636979ec5894/


It's hard to cover an Earth Wind & Fire song, but if you are gonna jump out there, THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT. You never know what direction a song is gonna take when Bilal is on it, but he's one of the only artists with enough soul to pull this remake off.

Earth Wind & Fire- Can’t Hide Love
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108649509522b99/

Randy Watson Experience ft. Bilal- Can’t Hide Love
http://www.zshare.net/audio/7108651640a4e409/


What? You mean to tell me that someone did a respectable cover of a Prince song without hotstepping across the stage in some assless chaps? YES. Raheem not only held his own on the track, but he also takes you to church at the end of the song. A must have for Prince(and Raheem)fans.

Prince-I Would Die 4 U
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086528c87f2e43/

Raheem Devaugn-I Would Die 4 U
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710865215cdbe7e1/


I'm a big Mary J. Blige fan. But I must admit, her new stuff can't touch her old work. It's something about the pain in her voice, I could feel each note that she sang. Her albums were the soundtrack to a lot of smoking sessions back in the day.(or so I heard...) | When I saw that Eric Roberson remade "My Life," I was worried...but after listening to it, I have a new found respect for the man.

Mary J Blige- My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086526dc727dfa/

Eric Roberson- My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710865483a17dbff/


This is the most surprising remake of all! I remember sitting in my room listening to Rakim flip this song to a crazy drum sequence, it was the first time I'd ever heard him curse in a song. Years later, Robin Thicke is flipping the song with the same beat, same sample and the same lyrics into a blue eyed soul session. Classic.

Eric B. & Rakim- Mahogany
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086587fff1b1ec/

Robin Thicke- Mrs Sexy
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710865886800ca6c/

You already know how I feel about this song...one of MJ's BEST slow songs EVER. I am proud of DC's own Lissen Band for remaking this and adding their own swing to it.

Michael Jackson- Lady In My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/710862946aed3336/

Lissen Band- Lady In My Life
http://www.zshare.net/audio/71086299ba44b8c1/

I hope you all enjoy these songs as much as I have, and I hope to see you all on Sunday!!

Be My Number 2

This blog is sponsored by this song: http://www.sendspace.com/file/0btk9d

Infidelity is complicated. There are now stages and categories of extramarital affairs and as you see on the news every week, things are starting to get messy. Even though it’s been happening since the first relationship was created, “creeping” has now been brought from the shadows to the limelight. I refuse to contribute to anymore about the golf player who recently was “caught up,” but his situation made me think, “Why do these ladies settle for being number 2?” The answer is complicated. Some of them don’t see themselves as number two, some of them aren’t even number 2, and some of them are just f*cking groupies. Let me break this down for you real quick:

A true “Number 2” is different from these random chickens who are out here tricking for Louboutins. A number 2 is someone who the married party actually has deep rooted feelings for. They could be their “soulmate,” or “the one who got away.” I know you’re thinking, “Well if they are soulmates, why didn’t they marry THEM?” You never know the reason for that; maybe they never got along, maybe other circumstances prevented them from tying the knot. A number 2 gets privileges, trips, gifts, and a long term contract. If something ever goes wrong in the marriage, the number two is next up, and ready to roll. Alicia Keys is a number two. Had poor Swizz Beatz calling Mashonda with the Harlem Nights quote: “Yeah, Mashonda, it's Swizzie. Yeah lookit, I ain't never coming home no more. Take it easy.”

Not to be confused with the “Number 2,” is the “jumpoff.” Lots of ladies who creep with married men think they are ‘Number 2’s” or wish to be, but they aren’t. See, jumpoffs don’t get the same treatment as number 2’s. They might get shoe/suit money here, rent money there, but they are only used for one thing. Some are used for sex, some are used as a trophy, and some are only called when the married party is in town for the weekend. Jumpoffs are the ones who will make the front page of the news when they realize that they will never become a number 2. Their frustration will cause them to suicide bomb their way into the media, telling on both themselves AND the married person they crept with. Number 2’s have their own agenda, so this wouldn’t even be an option for them. Those jumpoffs however, are independent contractors, and have nothing to lose.

In a perfect world, folks wouldn’t be out here creeping in the first place, so none of this would even be an issue. But in a world of greed, deception, booty injections and Viagra, we have to put up with who is stepping out on who, with what, when, and for how long? And please don’t think this is just about women who run the streets with married men, because trust and believe there are just as many women who have their number 2’s and their jumpoffs as well! Their husbands might treat them well, but they are either swagless, broke, or their penis is teensy weensy. So to all of you “other women” out there, as you get ready to meet your married boo for a night of undercover fun, look in the mirror and ask yourself, which one are you?

Tommie Collins

Aka

Big Poppa Pump

Whatcha Doin 4 NYE?? COme party with me @ Union Station!!

Art|Wine| & Acid Jazz| 12*5*09

Wassup everybody! I hope you all had a great thanksgiving, filled with good food and fun with your families. Now that the turkey is digested and you can't stand the sight of anymore leftovers, it's time to get down to BUSINESS! I would like to formally invite you all to"Magnum Opus," a digital art showcase this Saturday at Ozio Restaurant & Lounge from 6pm to 9pm. The featured artist is Jaye Luke, a DC native who creates masterpieces and then renders them with a twisted genius. You might remember some of his work from my past birthday celebrations; he designed and created the big birthday cards for me.
Dinner will be served during the showcase, and free wine will be poured for those who order a 3 course meal...here's the menu:
For my lushes out there, there is also a happy hour from 6-9pm, so you can enjoy a cocktail or two while you are enjoying the artwork. This event is completely free, so there's no need to try to sneak in the party like the couple who crashed the White House State Dinner; no guestlist needed just walk on in and enjoy yourself. After the Showcase, DJ Blaze will proceed to rock the house and we will party all night long. You are welcome to stay, but only if you can handle being a part of the SEXIEST Saturday night party in the CITY. I'll see you all on Saturday, hit me with any questions, reservations or inquiries. Oh, and here's a free Acid Jazz Mixtape that I put together....ENJOY!!
http://www.sendspace.com/file/zrnvt8

TC
aka
Tommie Collins

Canned Food Drive this Saturday @ Ozio!!

What are you thankful for?

I am thankful for my family and friends because in some form or
fashion, they have made me who I am today.

I am thankful that I was blessed with one of the most awesome-est
noses on the east coast.

I'm so serious about my nose, it's damn near perfect.

I feel that we all should sit down and give some thought to what we
are grateful to have, and who we are grateful to be acquainted with.
I also feel that we should give back in some way during this time of
the year. Not everyone is as fortunate as us, and to be able to help
someone else out is a blessing in itself. We are having a canned food
drive at Ozio this Saturday: just one canned good could help out more
than you can imagine. All donations will be going to The Lifestyles
of Maryland organization (www.lifestylesofmd.org) who will be giving
away Thanksgiving baskets starting on Nov. 23rd to the less fortunate.
There has never been a better time to give back to the community and
take shots at the same time. Shout out to Lenita & Kym: Happy
Birthday Ladies. I'll see you at Ozio on Saturday, where I'll
probably be doing Prince dances by 12 am, like this:


Thank you all for your support, and I'll see you on Saturday.
p.s. I hope the Cowboys LOSE.

-TC
aka
Tommie Moon
aka
A Pillar of the Community

Halloween, Free Chicken, & Good Music!!

First of all, I kindly ask all of you to please pray for my grandmother. She is a die hard Redskins fan, and is about to slip into a heavy football depression. *snicker*

Wassup everybody, I'd like to thank everyone who came out this weekend for the HU festivities. Ozio was a good look; great food , strong drinks, and people who know how to party without acting like fools. This weekend, we are giving you all a Halloween treat. Join us @ Ozio this Sat for a "True Blood" themed Costume Party!! get there early, because it's guaranteed to be a busy night! I'm dressing up as either:
A Gay Fish
Khloe Kardashian
Falcon the Balloon Boy
Thug Jesus
a Rum & Coke
or
Dan Snyder

Check out the flyer for details, or just hit me up, you know I'll take care of ya!


Gas prices are creeping up on the low...the news won't say anything about it, but I see it slowly climbing! We still need to pinch our pennies, so every chance I get, I'm gonna pass along some savings. Here is a free chicken dinner meal coupon from Boston Market, that's good all week long. I know it works, because I used it yesterday, so don't worry about it being a fake, they wont turn you down like KFC did.

Speaking of chicken, Ryan Leslie has a new album coming out and it is OFF THE CHAIN. If you'd like to listen to a few snippets of the album, download this link and enjoy.http://www.sendspace.com/file/hax7ba
Please buy the album and support the artist!! Ok enough free stuff, let me get back to work. I'll see some of ya'll this weekend at Ozio, and the others I'll probably see in line at Boston Market.

TC
aka
Tommie Zorn