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Infidelity is complicated. There are now stages and categories of extramarital affairs and as you see on the news every week, things are starting to get messy. Even though it’s been happening since the first relationship was created, “creeping” has now been brought from the shadows to the limelight. I refuse to contribute to anymore about the golf player who recently was “caught up,” but his situation made me think, “Why do these ladies settle for being number 2?” The answer is complicated. Some of them don’t see themselves as number two, some of them aren’t even number 2, and some of them are just f*cking groupies. Let me break this down for you real quick:
A true “Number 2” is different from these random chickens who are out here tricking for Louboutins. A number 2 is someone who the married party actually has deep rooted feelings for. They could be their “soulmate,” or “the one who got away.” I know you’re thinking, “Well if they are soulmates, why didn’t they marry THEM?” You never know the reason for that; maybe they never got along, maybe other circumstances prevented them from tying the knot. A number 2 gets privileges, trips, gifts, and a long term contract. If something ever goes wrong in the marriage, the number two is next up, and ready to roll. Alicia Keys is a number two. Had poor Swizz Beatz calling Mashonda with the Harlem Nights quote: “Yeah, Mashonda, it's Swizzie. Yeah lookit, I ain't never coming home no more. Take it easy.”
Not to be confused with the “Number 2,” is the “jumpoff.” Lots of ladies who creep with married men think they are ‘Number 2’s” or wish to be, but they aren’t. See, jumpoffs don’t get the same treatment as number 2’s. They might get shoe/suit money here, rent money there, but they are only used for one thing. Some are used for sex, some are used as a trophy, and some are only called when the married party is in town for the weekend. Jumpoffs are the ones who will make the front page of the news when they realize that they will never become a number 2. Their frustration will cause them to suicide bomb their way into the media, telling on both themselves AND the married person they crept with. Number 2’s have their own agenda, so this wouldn’t even be an option for them. Those jumpoffs however, are independent contractors, and have nothing to lose.
In a perfect world, folks wouldn’t be out here creeping in the first place, so none of this would even be an issue. But in a world of greed, deception, booty injections and Viagra, we have to put up with who is stepping out on who, with what, when, and for how long? And please don’t think this is just about women who run the streets with married men, because trust and believe there are just as many women who have their number 2’s and their jumpoffs as well! Their husbands might treat them well, but they are either swagless, broke, or their penis is teensy weensy. So to all of you “other women” out there, as you get ready to meet your married boo for a night of undercover fun, look in the mirror and ask yourself, which one are you?
Aka
Big Poppa Pump
Whatcha Doin 4 NYE?? COme party with me @ Union Station!!
