Signs that She May be Too Young for You
Yes fellas, I know that she is THICKA than a SNICKA….I know she wears those tights with little shirts that don’t even cover up her butt…I know she flaunts it in your face while she smiles and laughs and sucks on a lollipop..but it’s all just for ATTENTION. All that glitters ain't gold, and if it is gold, than its FOOLS GOLD. Ya’ll gotta leave these youngens alone, they’ll ruin your life. Or you’ll ruin their life, and they’ll find a way to ruin yours. Every now and then you’ll find one that’s worth keeping, but those are so few and far in between that you shouldn’t count on it. For those who are blinded by the booty and have a hard time figuring out what’s too young and what’s fair game...it’s not about the number (as long as they are over 18). It’s how they act, how they were raised, and a bunch of other factors. What factors are those you ask? Read on….
SHE MIGHT BE TOO YOUNG FOR YOU IF:
-She dresses up like she’s going to a Gala just to hit the grocery store;
-She collects cheap purses and shoes (be careful, some old chicks do that too)
-Her ringtones are Waka Flocka, Lil Boosie, or anyone on the Maybach Music label’s songs;
-She asks you, “What do you like on your Steak-ums?” when you ask her to cook for you;
-She’s in the club DAILY, even on Sundays;
-She has a child named after one of the 64 Crayola Crayon colors;
-She doesn’t read any newspapers or watch the news, just updates from mediatakeout & worldstarhiphop.com;
-She doesn’t have a savings account, just a rush card that’s linked to her PayPal;
-She hangs out at Gallery Place;
-She says she has a part time job, come to find out she’s the official loc twister for a go go band;
-two words: colored contacts;
-She thinks “Mint Condition” is a hair product;
-She’s not registered to vote unless it’s American Idol;
-She gets your initials on her big toe when she gets a pedi;
-She poses with the “pouty lips” in her driver’s license photo;
-Her grandmother is 35;
-Her makeup matches her tights;
-She has “trap star” tattooed on her neck(in Japanese);
A wise man once said “Age ain’t Nothing but a Number,” (wasn’t that in the bible?? Or was that Aalyiah?) So when you are dealing with someone who is younger than you, it’s all about their maturity level. But if you see her displaying more than just a few of the attributes that I listed above, you might wanna rethink your next move old man.
Happy Hour vs. The Club
Now that a brotha is getting older, I find it less and less appealing to hit the club every weekend. Along with the fact that I’ve worked there for 10 years, the allure of hitting the streets on a daily basis just isn’t there anymore. I’ve found that hitting an occasional happy hour is just as or even MORE fun than hitting the nightlife, and I’m here to tell you why:
1) NO DRESS CODE: To hell with going out to buy something new to wear to the club. At Happy Hour you come as you are, and no one looks at you funny. You can come straight from work, straight from the block, or straight from prison and you’ll STILL be dressed to DRINK.
2) NO COVER CHARGE: You don’t have to worry about getting a free text, RSVP-ing, or rushing your girlfriends to get dressed so you can get there before midnight. Happy Hour is FREE(just make sure you get there before the drink specials end!)
3) EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS: You never know who you’ll end up chatting with at the bar. You can be sitting next to a rocket scientist or a stripper; either way you’ll be strengthening your brain. (you see what I did there?)
4) AGE AINT NOTHING BUT A NUMBER: You don’t have to worry about looking at someone’s hand to see if there is an “X” on it: everyone at happy hour gets carded, so if they’re old enough to get DRUNK, they’re old enough for you to SKRUNK.
5) BAR GAMES: Go to a bar on Saturday. Find the loudest crew at the bar. Tell the bartender to turn the TV to Sportscenter. Tell them you should all take a shot every time someone on ESPN says “TEBOW.” p.s. get a designated driver before you do this.
6) LEARN THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE: No matter what your race, no matter what your religion, there is always one thing that two people can agree on: Tequila.
7) GROUP SONGS: If you haven’t been out drinking with a rack of broken-english speaking Asians who are all rapping the lyrics to “It Takes Two” at the top of their lungs…then you haven’t lived. PERIOD.
8) EASY SCORING: Unlike the club, you don’t have to hunt your prey…sometimes you can just be…THERE, and it’ll fall right in your lap. Literally.