What NOT to do at a Day Party

Day parties are the hottest thing to hit the DC party scene this summer.  There are some really nice ones at Rosebar, Cities, Barcode, and my favorite, Ozio.  As I stroll through these events I observe some of the dumbest shit I have ever seen.  I’m sharing this with you today so that you don’t make these same mistakes when you are out at one of DC’s nicest events…

Don’t Show Up Too Late: Most Day Parties start when it’s too damn hot to be outside.  However, the longer you wait to show up, the harder it’s going to be to get in.  The lines are long, the temperature is humid, and if it’s at a DOPE spot, they might be at capacity later on in the evening.  Unless you have a friend who works or promotes there, I suggest getting your happy ass there at a decent time so you won’t have to deal with long lines and a sweaty butt trying to get inside.

Don’t Drink Too Much:  I know we all say “Don’t Turn Up too Much!!”  But it has an entirely different meaning at Day Parties:  Heat and liquor don’t mix.  Sure there will be ample A/C in the club/deck/patio, but it’ll still be glaring sun/heat there that will put you DOWN if you drink too much.  I’ve seen grown men AND women passed out at a V.I.P table after one too many Jameson shots and direct sunlight shut them down.

Maintain Your Two Step: It’s June.  I know the DJ just played your favorite song but please don’t jump all around the bar like you’re in church and you just caught the Holy Ghost.  People sweat and get all musty on the dance floor and then have the whole section smelling like recess.  If you have a gland/sweat/funk problem, pack some extra baby powder on your back or something before you come out.  Some of you ladies are too pretty to be smelling as bad as you do.

What’s Beef?: Please don’t ruin a perfectly good Day Party by trying to act tough.  Day Parties are for having a good time, if you want to beef in the club go to Adams Morgan at NIGHT.  Most folks that hit up Day Party events are gainfully employed and rather have fun during the afternoon so they can go home and not have to be hung over the entire next day.  Oh that’s just me?  Well, still leave that gangsta shit for when the sun goes down, don’t disturb this groove!!

SEQUELS WE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE

SEQUELS WE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE

Most sequels suck.   Not all of them are terrible, but so many of them are that I just don’t trust the quality of a movie if it has “2” in the title.  I read on twitter the other day that they are making a “Drumline 2,” and a “Space Jam 2.”  The latest movie that I heard is getting a sequel is Spike Lee’s “School Daze.”  As I shake my head in disgust, I think back to which movies I always wanted to see a sequel to, but never came…here are a few:

Boomerang

 

This was a very well put together movie.  The cast was awesome.  A part II would have done well no doubt, but I’m kinda glad they left it just the way it ended.

Soul Food

 

This almost doesn’t count because Showtime had that Soul Food show, so it almost sorta kinda did have a sequel…but they could have made this work, even though Big Mama would have been absent.  I just wanted an excuse to see Nia Long in a movie again.

Bad Boys 3

 

Look, this could still happen, and I am here for it.  Somebody get Will & Martin on the phone and tell them to get it together.  This cannot however, happen with any other combination of actors.  I’ll personally bomb Hollywood if I see Nick Canon and Michael Jordan in a damn Bad Boys 3 commercial…NO THANK YOU.

Love Jones

 

I believe that this also could be a huge draw still to this day.  This movie was filled with great poetry, great music, familiar relationship scenarios, and excellent chemistry between the cast.  I always wished they had made a sequel to this; it would have definitely been worth seeing.  And by seeing I mean going out to the movies to see it, not illegally downloading it on your phone.  Not that I do that.

A Low Down Dirty Shame

 

Jada comes back as Peaches, Keenen Ivory Wayans as Shame.  They are married now and have their own P.I. Firm.  That would have been a dope way to start the movie for the sequel!!  But alas, this movie didn’t make all that much $$ in the theaters, so a part 2 wasn’t even in negotiations. 

Major Payne

 

What if Payne got deployed in Afghanistan???  No?  My bad, I’m reaching.

Class Act

 

ok Kid and Play would have had another hit on their hands if they took the Class Act sequel to college.  I mean we’re getting close to House Party 2 territory, but I think it would have been a better decision than putting out that damn straight to DVD House Party 4.  That shit was terrible, man.

Blue Streak 2

 

Martin & Dave Chappelle!!  This has classic written all over it!!  Somebody call some agents and make it happen!!

What movies would you like to see made into sequels?

Women and Football

TC Tuesdays
{Women and Football}

 

@StillettoJill.  @ChelsIsRight.  @TheNFLChick.  The Gridiron Gals.  These are all examples of women who love football and probably know more about it than you.  Nowadays women are REAL fans of the sport; they will crack open a brew and watch a full days’ worth of football right along with you.  Some guys don’t like it, they still believe that women should be in the kitchen and not trying to watch the game with the fellas.  A smart man however, will use this to his advantage.  What better way to get your “foot in the door,” than to talk sports with a hot woman?  That’s the American Dream!  Well ain’t it??  Today is your lucky day fellas, because I’m going to help you out.  I’m going to tell you the personality types of female fans of each NFL team, so that you can prepare your approach by simply looking at which NFL jersey she’s wearing.  Thank me later!!

Female San Francisco 49er Fans – Really Cool and Down to Earth.  Most are addicted to anal sex.
Female Arizona Cardinals  & St. Louis Rams Fans – No such thing.
Female Seattle Seahawks Fans - Pretty, soft spoken, and extremely racist.
Female Washington Redskin Fans – Groupies for life.
Female Philadelphia Eagles Fans – low down, gritty and grimy.
Female New York Giants Fans – Smart, classy, and better than you.
Female Dallas Cowboys Fans – Hard to get along with, but the vagina is excellent.
Female Atlanta Falcon Fans – Buys Pregnancy tests at the Dollar Store.
Female Carolina Panthers Fans – Clean dress, dirty mouth.
Female New Orleans Saints Fans – Most are musty, but have great personalities.
Female Tampa Bay Bucs Fans – There are no female Tampa Bay Buc fans.  Never were.
Female Chicago Bears, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, and Minnesota Viking Fans:
Can out drink you and beat you in arm wrestling.  Tread Lightly.
Female Baltimore Ravens Fans – Snoop from “The Wire” was a Ravens fan.  Enough said.
Female Cincinnati Bengals Fans – Most are Grandmothers by the time they are 35 years old.
Female Cleveland Browns Fans – Love to bully their gay husbands.
Female Pittsburgh Steeler Fans – Loyal.
Female Houston Texans Fans - Girls from Texas who weren’t pretty enough to be Dallas Cowboys fans.
Female Indianapolis Colts Fans – Are now Denver Broncos Fans
Female Jacksonville Jaguars Fans – I don’t even think there are MALE Jaguars fans, let along FEMALE fans.
Female Tennessee Titans Fans – Weird as shit.  Like to eat condoms and smoke incense.
Female New England Fans – Best dressed of them all.
Female Miami Dolphins Fans – All trying to get pregnant by Dwayne Wade.
Female New York Jets Fans – Beautiful, except for the gold teeth and tattoos.
Female Buffalo Bills Fans – It’s only one of them in the entire world, and she’s disgusting.
Female Denver Bronco Fans – Only attracted to older men with long heads.
Female Kansas City Chiefs fans – Usually cool, but after this past weekend, approach with caution.
Female San Diego Chargers Fans – Like to drink until they pass out, then post Facebook messages about Christ the next day.
Female Oakland Raiders Fans- Don’t like to shave, wax, or get their toes done during football season.

-Please don’t take offense to this, it’s all jokes!  Well, except for the Redskin and Cowboy female fans description, those two are for real!