Fellas, the summer is finally here!! It’s time to shrug off that winter time drought, stop hitting those slumpbusters and get back to your “A” game. In order to help you recruit a noteworthy starting 5, I will tell you the top 5 easiest women to target. Once you have one of these women in your sights, attack with confidence & savageness, but don’t come off as too thirsty:
The “Kid Free for the Summer” chick: She just dropped little “Diron-tay” off to his grandparents for the summer, and already has her happy hour/club schedule made from now until she picks him up. Take advantage of her new found freedom, and her eagerness to let it all hang out. Kindly remind her that there is no aftercare to rush home to, no PTA meetings to attend, and no reason that she can’t stay the night if she’s too drunk to drive home. Lose her number after the school year starts, but find it again during Christmas break.
The “Social Media Starlet:” She has thousands of Facebook friends and her twitter is one big continuous status update that refreshes every 5 minutes. You don’t really need to do anything but “like” a few photos on Facebook, send a couple of steamy DM’s on twitter, and collect the spoils. She’ll let you put it in ANY hole you want, and then tweet about it. The good part about this target is that you’ll be in those guts in 72 hours. The bad part is that in those 72 hours, she will have fallen in love with you, had her first fight with you(on twitter) broke up with you, and then stalked your entire timeline and attacked any female who dared to speak to you.
The “Girl who was Raised by her Brothers:” This woman uses the fact that she grew up around a lot of males to justify all of the casual sex and one night stands that she has. Little does she know that regardless of who raised her, she’s still a whore, and the guys who raised her are whores too. Strap up when you hit this target, and be sure to answer her late night booty texts quickly; she is probably sending out a mass text to see who will answer first.
The “Happy Hour Harlot:” After 3 Patron Margaritas, she’s making out with the nearest human, whether it’s male or female. Under NO circumstances should you kiss this target, because you just might catch mono. Catch her at upscale happy hours doing hoodrat things with older executives, or at 18 & up parties dancing inappropriately hard to average tempo songs. No need to lose her number after the summer, she probably won’t even recognize you after a few weeks of sobriety.
The “Internet Model:” She is in love with her body, and is in search of others to fall in love with it. Everything she has comes from her physical attractiveness, so she throws it around to get all that she can. If you sell her a few dreams she will purchase it with sexual payments. Try to stretch those payments out until around late august, so you can capitalize on the warm weather and her wearing as little clothing as possible. Once the seasons change and she has to wear whole shirts and pants, you need to get lost before she turns you out and you become a sponsor.