Tommie Collins

Tommie Collins
True (c)

Monday, November 5, 2012

What Your Drink of Choice Says About You

What Your Drink of Choice Says About You
I am a vet!  I have bartended at some of DC’s hottest spots, and I can usually tell a lot about a person just by the drink that they order:  

                                                                  Malibu & Pineapple

Men- Skinny Jeans wearing hipster dudes.  The ones who you can’t tell if they are gay or just very talented.
Women-All about networking, usually have great asses.  And you can usually hit that in about a week, week in a half.
Rum & Coke

Men- Frugal; Marry pretty ladies and cheat on them with trailer trash.  Most sex offenders drink rum & cokes.
Women-Like to dance freaky in the corner by themselves.  Like to make sexy youtube dance videos but never put their face on camera.  If you see your kid’s teacher out drinking rum and coke, switch her to another class.
Apple Martini

Women-Like to put on tight clothes and flirt: love any kind of attention from a man, both good or bad.
Men-Like to put on tight clothes and flirt: Love any kind of attention from a man, both good and bad. 
                                                                   Patron Margarita
Women- Hard working, goal oriented; Looking for a release, trying to let off steam, or just trying to relax from a long day.
Men-Polished, cultured, well dressed, and wealthy.  I had a patron Margarita last week, bitch.

Long Island Ice Tea

Men-Blue Collar workers.  Handy, can fix things and like to build shit.  Could kill you with their bare hands.
Women-Stressed out, have abusive or absent baby daddies.  Dislike the SHIT out of condoms. 
Jack & Coke 

Men-Reformed thugs.  Marry out of their race.  Collects guns and nun chucks and shit.  Often solicit prostitutes.  The Craigslist Killer drank Jack & Cokes.
Women-Aggressive.  Vagina is addictive and can ruin a man’s life.  Sunshine on “Harlem Nights” drank Jack & Cokes and you see how she made dude leave his wife and kids over the phone.

Straight Vodka (Goose, Belvie or Ciroc)

Men-Party Animals; Will fight everytime they go out if they get the opportunity.  Police Officers, ex Military, and Mall Security.
Women-Crazy & Freaky.  Will ask to sniff their man’s penis when he comes home from the bar/club.   Has a lot of twitter & facebook friends.

Cognac (Dark Liquor)

Men-Gangsta.  Has at least 4 tats, 2 of which are on the neck or face.  Women love their chipped tooth.
Women-Smoke Newports, like to dress inappropriately for their body size;  fertile as fuck.

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